Basketweaving

What an odd day today has been. The type of day that, looking back on it at the hour of sundown feels like looking back at the shed skin of a snake or a lizard, trailing off from where I sit…

Epiphanies have been coming in 1-2 punches lately. The first “epiphany” (quotes around it because, as you’ll see, it’s somewhat suspect) seems like the answer to a big problem I’ve been faced with, and much relief and gladness always follow.

Until the second epiphany comes and shows me all the plot holes in the first.

Hence the shedding feeling, I suppose. 

I can’t make you any promises, dear reader. This day was weird for my head and so I don’t exactly know how to pull out something of value for you. Bear with me while I find my way…

Sometimes it helps the writing process to start with a list of something or other.

Various things I did today:

-Watered (some of) the plants

-Vacuumed the house

-Continued on an embroidery project

-Took a nap (extremely rare for me and proof that today was unusual in every regard)

-Shaved my legs

-Cut a denim skirt that didn’t look right on me into a mini skirt that looks much better

Ugh. Boring as sh*t.

I usually come to this gridlock place in my practice as a writer (some may refer to it as ‘writer’s block’) when there’s something I’m avoiding talking about or admitting. The 1-2 epiphany punch I received today didn’t necessarily surprise me, but it does present me with a new type of problem, which isn’t exactly a problem and more a way of life:

Trusting in the unknown. 

And yet, every now and then, I would really just like to have some knowns.

May I please have some knowns?

May I please know the way forward with certainty, at least once today?

Because I get that the way of the warrior requires courage in the face of fear, which is to say courage on the path of unknowns. But, really. This is all a bit much. 

What’s eating me today is that I thought I knew the way forward, and now I see that I might be wrong. I can’t tell you all the details, but I can tell you that not everyone in this life is going to be satisfied with having an occupation that doesn’t light up their Soul.

Of course, some people aren’t concerned about this, and God bless them. 

But if you’re of the former sort of person, you may have already been through a long string of various jobs that span across industries and professions. You might even call yourself a seeker, I don’t know what you call yourself, but you’re looking for something. You’re welcome to roll your eyes at me for saying it again, but this modest, no-frills daily blog is one of the only ways I currently know how to act like I have a profession as a writer. Client work is great because it pays, but it’s not the thing. And I don’t mean to say that we can only have “one passion” or “one profession” in this lifetime. Not at all and on the contrary. But there’s this spark, this flame, this sense of an engine, driving forward and onward, built inside the work that illuminates one’s purpose.

Maybe I am merely self-absorbed, but hired writing, in general, doesn’t cut it for me. At least not right now. And though I have lately been trying to lean into this type of work (because it is comforting to be able to eat and pay rent), the second punch-of-an-epiphany that came for me today said, “Don’t put all of your eggs in that there basket you’ve got under your arm.”

Which basket then??

Let’s find out together, shall we?