These foolish things

It’s just after 9:00 in the evening as I write this. Almost everything I have within me wants to go to bed, but I fight this urge for comfort in order to sit here in discomfort, letting whatever it is that needs to be said find its way onto the page.

Before I sat down here and was wrapping up all the tasks of the evening, I thought to myself, “I’m so very tired and cannot possibly write, so I’ll share a poem from my upcoming book. That’s okay, it’s not cheating or anything like that because it’s my own work. Plus it will be good PR for my book launch.”

But no, no, no…That’s not what we’re doing here tonight.

I feel I am passing through one of life’s darker moments. I tend to feel this often around a certain time of the month, but that doesn’t make it any less real, or even less singular. I always feel that when I am feeling something deeply, it is this singular moment of feeling, and that maybe I have never felt so deeply nor more singularly, ever before. I doubt very much that this is true, but it’s what I’ve got going on now and it’s therefore very much on my mind, this…darkness feeling…

…

But then my mind drifts.

I have a new-ish work that has been playing its chords on the outskirts of my mind. Like the sound of a “tinkling piano in the next apartment,” I am still finding its cadence—capturing its mood. Most importantly, nothing and everything inside of me wants to begin this new work. 

The tug-of-war has officially begun.

What I can tell you is that it’s an epistolary love story; a story told only through letters and other forms of correspondence. 

When I am this tired, it is difficult (even impossible) to express to you, dear reader, how much my Soul wants to come through, into my life. I think the darkness feeling somewhat has to do with this, and the perceived absence of a Soul-filled life—a life which, in every way and from every angle, expresses the greatest truth, the greatest abundance, the greatest freedom, and the greatest love. Yet, every passing moment presents its opportunity for you to open up your eyes and see that you are ultimately creating your own reality.

Parts of this new love story feel kind of cliche, but being human has its themes. People before us have forged pathways and grooves in the collective consciousness, which we might call culture or commonalities. Personally, I am looking for something uncommon; a life that is tailor-made for me. But what I am beginning to realize (which also acts as the silver thread to lead me out of the darkness feeling) is something my dad loves to quote from the film, Enter Laughing:

“It’s up to YOU to do the ha-cha-cha.”

It’s up to me to do the dance. It’s up to me to see my life and my surroundings with the eyes that can see Love, that can see Beauty, that can see Freedom, Prosperity, and God.

All like brightly burning Bat Signals to light up even the darkest corners of my mind.

Have a great day, dear reader.