The profound gift of a watering can from God.

The next-door neighbors just over the fence are doing some kind of DIY construction project, which amplifies the feeling of summer time. And how beautiful the summer sky is tonight, so luminous and silky as the sun decreases its angle in relation to the horizon. Golden sky, golden trees. You could cut the wet air with a knife, but so long as I have this golden light and short-shorts and sandals, I don’t really care about very much. That’s what a good phone call will do for you, and I was fortunate enough to have one with my parents tonight; my personal cheerleaders*.

I feel I need to come clean with you, dear reader, and tell you that I have no idea what to write about this evening. I’m here, though. Always here, and here is a very good place to be.

Things that crossed my mind today:

-Getting more endorphins via exercising will surely improve my mood—I just have to find a beginning.

Nah.

My jaw is kind of screwed up, which tells me I’ve been really tense but haven’t realized it. I sent the first proof of my poetry book to the printer last night, but I was so tense, it seems, I barely had any emotional response in reaction to this milestone. Relief? Maybe. Excitement? Hardly. 

I honestly just wanted to curl up on the couch tonight and find something British on tv to watch (British film and television are my comfort place), but I sat down and journaled instead. About exercising. Should I try a 5k or should I not? Should I run after work? Should I eat before I run? Will my hat be sufficient? Do I have any clean t-shirts? Etcetera, etcetera…No wonder I am tense; I’ve been infamously flip-flopping.

I had a dream last night which I keep turning over in my head. Someone I had been seeing reestablished contact with me, professed his profound love, then asked me—begged me—to marry him. Later in the dream, my phone and wallet were cheerfully returned to me by someone else, which I take as a good sign that I got something back during the dream state that belonged to me but which I had been without. And even though I no longer desire the one I saw in the dream, there’s just that split-second moment of pause, where you wonder, “Did I make the right decision?”

Flip-flopping.

This is a chronic problem for me which has particularly come to my attention this year. It’s somewhat related to the post I made earlier in the week about how epiphanies come in 1-2 punches. It’s hard to make a decision and then stick to them when more information gets revealed down the road, and not all up front. 

One school of thought rightly says that until you make a decision, the Universe stands back and waits. The decision is what commands the Universe into action.

Yet another philosophy which I’ve also found helpful says to loosen your grip on the reigns a bit so that the Creator and your Higher Self might have room to come in. “Let go and let God,” says a good friend of mine. And she’s right.

So it becomes a kind of dance. Sometimes holding firm to a decision, and sometimes leaning back. The “what” usually requires decisiveness, where the “how” may need some finagling.

For example: I feel a calling to realize my potential and my strengths as a writer and then to go to Tel Aviv and write, write, write. That is a decision I made—one that was almost made for me—because it is part of my calling at the level of my Soul.

But how? How to make that work? How to have enough time there? How to maintain a reliable stream or streams of income? How to experience abundance? Etcetera, etcetera…These are all of the technical components whose resolutions elude me.

I had kind of a hard day at work today, in the sense that I wanted to do so much but felt limited by time and space. I let myself out and took a walk around the block. About halfway down the street, feeling so downtrodden and moody, as if I had the weight of the entire world on my shoulders, I suddenly remembered (a true act of Grace) that all I need to do is ask Him for help…Just ask the Creator! He’s waiting to be asked! And you know what I was then guided to focus on?

Generosity.

“Generosity leads to Abundance.” This was the message impressed upon my psyche when I sat down again with my journal. 

And here’s my final thought for today, dear reader:

You gotta listen to those small directives when they come. Even if it seems unrelated or doesn’t quite make sense to you. Why should it make sense when it relates to a state of being or a circumstance which has not yet manifested in your experience? It’s as if you ask God for help with building a house. You pray and pray, until one day, He hands you a watering can. “What good will a watering can do? I need tools! I need money! I need bricks and lumber!” But what you can’t know yet is that the watering can will lead you down a path which will produce all of those things you need, and then some.

That’s the path of the warrior.

And that’s my reminder that those who experience abundance move through life with a generous spirit, no matter how lost or confused they may feel when God hands them a watering can.

*Sharing our journey in confidence with the ones we trust creates allies. Allies can see past our own blindspots and pick up on patterns and opportunities that we otherwise may have entirely missed.